Shay Na So We Go Dey Dey?

Have you ever repeatedly found yourself in trouble? I mean like the type we saw in Anezi Okoro's "One Week, One Trouble" and "Double Trouble"?

As a child I was nicknamed "Spencer" and its always one wahala here another there and I began to ask the same question my aunt, Nwanyibuaku (pls don't bite your tongue) always  asked: "Emere gi ya eme?" (dem swear for you?/are you jinxed?).

On Monday I was coming back to PH with my colleagues, Emeka and Udeme. As a very un-slow person, I got into the plain with them just few steps behind me. I took my seat and lo...there were no more seats for the others. At least 20 more passengers were on the aisle and the tarmac. Oh its Error Contractors my people so I had to disembark and join them at the tarmac as a show of team spirit. What would I do in PH without them, they're my family mehn...

Meanwhile Emeka and I missed our flight going to lagos last week just because of a demonic traffic jam  that possesses the entire PH city. I had to pull off the kind of stunts you see in movies but still ended up missing the flight anyway. But to be fair, I had a nice time thereafter as I beat Emeka severally and severely on PES 2010 back home. Lol

Now I remember two weeks ago when I was rushing off to the Ikeja airport. My uncle's wife, Angela, was doing me the favour of dropping me off at the airport so I relaxed at home. Afterall the agent must have checked me in and Arik will surely keep me there for the next two hours. Then the travel agent, Joe, called. "Are you in the airport already? You have about 20 mins to board. I have checked you in though. Its Dana air." What?! Its Dana not Arik, not Aero. With those ones you could never miss your flight. I had to act like a fast five.

I raced like Vin Diesel never did before. Cutting corners and using one-ways like say I be mopol. Then the real police caught me as I was turning illegally at charity bus stop, Oshodi. The RRS guys were all over over me and asked me to stop there. They came in and asked me to start moving to the station. I started begging sharp sharp "oga you see, I'm so sorry. Just that I'm late for a flight and need to get there fast. E joor." The officer continued his oyinbo "You look like a gentleman. You know that this offense is punishable with N250k in the office. Give us just N50k?" I have been there done that. I looked at the officer and said "Oga its just that this is a kind of accident, we didn't plan it. If we know say you go catch us we for try carry plenty money. I don't have anything here but my sister has just N2k." "What?! The officer turned red. You're not serious. Let's go to the station." 

So I started making a face like a hungry puppy "God go help me make N50k. So if to say I get this money you for fit leave me abi? Kai! Oga try show me one love nah" I was just smh and trying some emotional blackmail. Then the most important call came at the right time. It was Joe. "Err... Chiemela have you reached? They have announced the final boarding oh!" "Mr. Joe see, I'm in police custody along the airport road. Maybe I'll miss the flight oh. Ok just gimme 5 minutes and I'll let you know." Then the officer in front said "oga oya stop here! oya where is the N2k?" Angela produced the last card in her pocket and the officer jumped off immediately.

I turned the car fast and raced off to the airport. Luckily, no events, no traffic and I was just able to walk into the aircraft as the door was being shut. Home run. But you see before we reached the airport, I had asked Angela to open my wallet and take her money back. As she did she saw a lot of money and was like "you be smart boy oh! I would never have thought you had this amount of money on you." Yes I'm smart and that's why I'll never take one way again without looking around properly. NEVER!

Have a groovy weekend and happy sabbath y'all...